glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
