i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
