I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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