i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just want to make out with him forever
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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