i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
