Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
