See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
