Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
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