I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
