just tell him i said nine months
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
