really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
