This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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