been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
