dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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