Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
