Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
