My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
