I'm jealous of your bromance
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
