I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
