Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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