May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
