DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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