Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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