Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
