the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
