Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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