'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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