I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Randomize
