Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
