apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
