there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
you will always have a special place in my vag
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
