70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
