I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
