I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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