what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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