i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
