How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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