i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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