i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
