I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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