Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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