am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I looked at my own cervix.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
