I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize