I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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