Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
