my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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