I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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