My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
