You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Sponge bath it is.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize