Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just found puke in my bra..
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
