I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
My hand turned me down
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
