Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
