Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
