I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
