my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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