I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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