oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
