Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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