soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
