I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
