I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
