We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
