i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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