just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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