Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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