She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
My balls are so social today.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
