She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
