Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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