I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
