Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize