you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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