you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
